The weekends made me nervous. I'm not even going to lie about it, I started planning on Tuesday what I was going to fill my weekend with and how I was going to keep myself busy. I am so thankful for my understanding family and friends. They were and continue to be extremely patient with me. I found a website that kept me busy with crafts and recipes. Bored is a dangerous place for me to be. I am easily distracted so I had to be creative and innovative about finding things that could keep my attention. What God was doing was amazing. I wasn't feeling lonely. The intensity of the headaches decreased with each day that passed and I was getting my appetite back. I was thankful beyond words for this and knew I was only going to feel better as time went on. Only people who struggle with drinking or any addiction will understand this, but it robs you! It weakens the bond of family, eliminates trust, creates superficial relationships and insecurity, it kills, steals and destroys. I have always thought if I get my life right, go back to church and stop partying I am going to have to give up everything I love. Let me tell you...there is MORE freedom away from it than with it. The song amazing grace has a different meaning to me now.
Amazing Grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Holly, I lack even the basic words of encouragement and only scripture comes to mind. "i sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, he delivers them. Taste and see the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears attentive to their cry; the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken."
ReplyDeleteHolly, you have embarked on a journey that will be foreign to many, take comfort in the Lord. You are created so beautifully inside and out; this is what the Lord protects and has protected and is again bringing to life. This journey will have the bumps in the road, the rough sleepless nights, the angering conversations and at times loneliness will set in... these are the times where we must turn our face to His. I am so proud of you Holly, and though many years may have past, my love has grown for you. Know you are worthy of saving and being saved.. just as you are. I love you Holly and I would be proud to call you my sister.
Fear not for He is with you!