Saturday, December 17, 2011
I fell asleep Sunday night praying like I never have before. I was being real with God for the first time in my adult life. I asked him to walk with me everyday through the detox. I asked that the nausea, headaches, loss of appetite and paralyzing guilt would pass quickly. I asked him to use me however he wanted, to be my words when I speak and guide my step when I walk. I asked him to help me see what really living felt like. Monday afternoon I began my first training class in my new position at work. I prayed for the people that I would be teaching. I know that God has in trusted them to my care for the first two weeks of their new career, I asked to see them from his eyes, to be empathetic and able to connect with them on more than just a business level. That first week was very strange and full of every possible emotion. I felt things that I had never felt before. I remember being at a stop light, I looked to my left and saw a man walking on his knees to the bus stop sign. I stopped, rolled down my window and asked him if he was ok and if there was anything I could help him with. He told me he was ok he was just tired and needed to rest after shopping while he waited for the city bus. I cried as the light turned green and I drove away. I was 3 days sober and already my mind and thoughts were more clear and my heart was softening. I was beginning to feel things again. This was just the beginning of little victories in my new life.